Staggering.

I am trying go back to the way I was, to they way that I used to think before I had met him. I learned to be so independent, so individualistic. I feel as if I am struggling, pulling at something that could be, and in that, losing who I was once so proud of just mere months ago. I feel like I am reverting back to those dreaded "Cam Days." Those days where I constantly sought to find reassurance in my relationship, even those relationships outside of romantic emotions. Brandon and I are barely nothing, but he is the first guy in ages that I have really felt something for, and actually have not gotten bored of, and moved on from.
So now, here I am, complaining about boy drama.
I need to find a better excuse for blogging than complaining about boy drama. Seriously. Eff.
On a lighter note, I started reading The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and if it weren't for all the family and stuff this weekend, I wouldn't have been able to put it down.

Heart.

So, I was asked to start blogging again. I explained to them that I was unsure of what to say, having not much going on in my life. She told me to talk about Brandon, or to talk about how I am failing out of MSU. Both of which would probably not interest any of you.
I mean, yes, I guess it would be news to you that I like someone, and actually haven't dropped his ass from being bored of him after three months like I have with the last couple of people that I have grown attached to, or had gone on a few dates with. Brandon is someone new and exciting, and I think I really, really like him. Things are kind of weird and up in the air now, just because we no longer see each other all the time, and he just came out of a year-and-a-half long relationship with a girl who was his best friend and just a whole bunch of other things. Visiting him a couple of days ago was a blast; I feel like is was a year ago, but it was only Monday and Tuesday. I guess that also shows you how much I love spending time with this kid. We even kissed, which I know you didn't need to hear, but holy crap, I feel like a giddy school girl about the whole freaking thing. I really hope things will work out between us, but its summer right now, and so I am not too worried. Its mostly just wanting the other to come visit and blah blah blah.
The next thing just makes me depressed. I tried so much harder this last semester to do well in my classes, but to no avail. There was the one anthropology class that only had three tests, no homework, and no participation points, and it completely raped me. I even took the bonus test that would help my grade by ten percent, and that shit did nothing for me. Absolutely nothing. Then there was the other anthropology class that I should have done better in, and I didn't. I have one semester to redeem myself, and if I don't, MSU will kick me out for a year. Fuck. I really need to to do better. Laura and I are in the same boat, and so we plan on working really hard together to get shit done. Not to mention, I told Jessica, Amanda, and Brandon about it, and they plan on helping me out as well. Especially Brandon with the math, seeing as he is a computer-science major, and in the honors college, he can REALLY help me out, and Jessica can help me with my ISS class, because she is a weird science major and would understand what I am looking at. I just really need to pull my shit together.
So there, there is what is on my mind, or rather, what is in my heart: something more than a crush with Brandon, and then losing the new city that I have grown fond of.

New Year Resolutions

Yeah, I know. I am so lame, because I have resolutions. I probably will break them too.

• Quit smoking. I'm almost there. I can go like every couple of days without having one. The only thing that kills me is the second I have alcohol, I want to smoke. BAD NEWS. But, I'm working on it.
• Do better in school, like 100% better, and make this major actually count for something, and not change it again, and just be satisfied that my major has nothing to do with mathematics.
• Pick up more hours at work and not fall behind on money like last semester. By extension of that, pay Rosie back by the end of January. That's right, that means paying her rent for this month, and all 500 bucks I owe her from December and the two shopping trips in November. I got this. The first couple weeks of school won't be hard, and I won't be going home until February, SO, I can totally pick up some hours. MOTIVATION.
• Don't give a fuck about someone who doesn't deserve it. I need to quit being so nice and letting people walk all over me. I am so sick of people taking advantage of the fact that they know I will forgive them, before they even start apologizing. I want an apology, I want to hear regret, I want you begging on your hands and knees for me to accept your apology because you know my friendship is well worth the effort. I want none of the crap where there is a simple, "I'm sorry," and then laughing like two seconds later. Heck no. None of that shit.
• Get back into running. I want to be able to run around my block and not die of a heart attack.
• Lose the last 7 or so pounds, and then I will be back to my weight in high school. What up. ( Being able to run around the block will help this. That, and not being able to afford groceries and real food ).
• Start writing a book. I have ideas. I need to record them. Bring on the composition notebooks. I already have three filled with ideas. Have I expanded on them? Nope, they sit there. 
• Be brave enough to share my work with others that aren't my teachers or groups on a project. If I can't be brave enough to share my ideas with friends and family, then what is the point of being a creative writing major?

Jungle Juice

Cut It Out.

Mind. Shh. You can't seem to concentrate if you wander like that. No need to worry about that now. That's not what you want. There are other things to stress about. Like passing your Bio and Chem class. This is against everything you have been talking about since the beginning of the summer. Grrr. Stop making me listen to this stupid, cheesy, lame-ass music. This is stupid. This is stupid. This is stupid.
This is not important.


Jana might be coming to America in March.

Bleh Bleh Bleh

I don't know what to say. Things are fine here. I am getting used to it here. Here is where I live. Here is where I go to school. Here is where I go to work. But here is not where I am making too many friends. I mean, I have "friends," but I don't hang out with them. I am as restless as ever. I think I only feel down on the weekends, where I don't have something consuming my time, consuming my mind, and consuming my worries.
Today was a good day though. I went to the football game, and we won, which was awesome. I went with Shane, Landon, Landon's girlfriend, her friend, Colin, and Trevor. So that was awesome. Shane and I were then going to hang out the whole day/night, but he got a call about his dad being in the hospital.
I have to admit, I am a tad worried. He took the news very strangely. I know he doesn't get along well with his dad, but I don't know. I am kind of worried about that kid.
Now that those plans have gone out the door, I think I am just going to sit around and watch movies, be a bum, and have some Captain and cider.
I don't know why I feel so bummed about all of this. Bleeeeh.
CHEER UP MEG.

Antsy.

Get me the fuck out of this apartment. Take me somewhere new. Take me to meet new people. Please shove a very alcoholic beverage in my hand and let me run rampant. Show me that fun exists out there. Show me that there is more then this apartment, this laptop, this couch, this phone, this radio. Let me know that there is something like a life out there.