Burned

Today, my scalding hot water served many purposes.

A. Warmed myself right up after my game.

B. I was pissed that we lost, and my water knew it.

C. I am slightly frustrated, and confused, about some things, so it allowed me to think.

D. It calmed me down from all these things in mere minutes.

Two Options

(haha lame I know, but its SO MUCH FUN, for no reason at all)

A. I use all of my $140 that I obtain from the twin study to pay for a brand new laptop, containing Vista and no problems in the future, more memory, bigger battery. My dad will pay the other half of the costs.
B. Or I use only $70 of that money to buy my dad's old work laptop, just like mine, that has a smaller screen than my current one, same battery size, and regular software, and may face the same problems that my current computer is facing.



I need a new laptop ASAP, mainly for college, but also to watch Skins (haha), and because mine just had a hard drive crash. YIPPEE! I don't want to pay to get it fixed again, because I am tired of waiting around for my computer and using my sisters or the family computer. I am currently on Rosie's and I cant do ANYTHING on it, because she thinks that I will make it explode. She' probably right...
Either way, I don't know what would be a smarter choice. No matter what, I have to wait 45 days to get my money from the twin study, because I have no other source of income, and I don't really want to give up my privileges of a nice, tiny allowance that allows me to hangout with my friends on the weekend (and when I say tiny, I mean 5 or 10 bucks a week).

Made About My Previous Blog.

Haha, lame I know, but it was fun, and I wasted about 20 minutes procrastinating on this website: wordle.net!

Surprisingly Unphased

I know I should be beyond pissed by how much I have run into this trap, but I have become so numb and used to it by now, I seem barely phased by it. Its sad actually, but I know that I will make matters worse like before if I continue being dramatic about it. I don't know why I kept fighting, only to know that he would continue with the same pattern; causing us to fall for each other all over again, getting pissed, and starting from scratch. I'm sick of his cold feet, and I'm slightly glad that he will retain himself in the future, even though its a sad thing to accept. I am more willing to move on now, and probably will become annoyingly flirtatious as I tend to do. I don't want to spiral into depression or whatever the hell that was just like a month ago. I don't want to waiver in front of him. I want to keep strong, but still remain friends. I just need to keep my head up.

I Think It's Trying to Tell Me Something

This is the second time I have had this dream, but this time it was a little different, but always having the same concept. I think it's trying to tell me that there are about to be some major changes that I cant really stop from happening. DUH! I'm going to college. Here's what happens:

My sisters and I are laying on a massive bed in my room, but my room doesn't look like my room. My dream room is robin's egg blue, with old-fashioned furniture, and a giant king-sized bed with a big white cover on it. There is are two dressers that looks like they are from the 1800s, a small white dresser that has only two drawers and is like a bed side table, a brown paper bag with something inside that I'm have no idea whats inside it, and there is my white radiator still there. We are laying the bed, dozing off, and periodically one of us would wake up and we would notice that things in my room are all changed around. Then we would fall back asleep, and one of us will wake up and scream because things are moved around again. I tried to stay awake and watch for the things to move, or to see who would move them, and I just kept falling asleep. This would happen all night long. When the morning came, I decided to get rid of everything that was inside those few things and to clean from under my bed, throwing out garbage bags of clothes and books. The next night, the same thing happened. Then I woke up.

Why couldn't my dream have told me something more useful than this weird cryptic dream?

This Isn't Exactly Deep, But Mine Hardly Ever Are

So this snow is totally kicking my butt. WTH. There is NOT supposed to be snow on the ground right now! There needs to be flowers, green grass, sunshine, and little kids splashing in puddles with cute little rain boots on! Not this nasty, mushy white crap during Spring Break! I am thoroughly appalled by this. Sheesh. Michigan, what the hell were you thinking?!

On a happier note, I am excited by my plans for the day. I get to sit around and do basically nothing; homework here and there, with a few jobs thrown in to keep me on my toes. Other than that, I have been sitting on my computer, listening to music, texting, IMing people, and just playing games and what not (I would otherwise be outside, but the frickin weather sucks!). I even got my room to its cleanest potential by finally putting away ALL of my laundry for the first time in ages, leaving only one load of whites, because its just a bunch of t-shirts (can't exactly wear those in the snow...). Later, I will go to Cam's house to watch the Opening Day game of the Tigers at 7, and then it will finish just in time for the MSU championship game at 9.

Sounds like an amazing day to me.

The Fire Within

The flame burns anew; both are so confused. No one remembers how to keep it going, or how to put it out. There is no one who can direct them, or to guide them in anyway because they are part of a new type of foundation. This foundation that can be faulty or can be strong. They aren't sure if its an unwanted hunger, or something that should be let loose into the wild as it burns everything in their paths. There is no confidence, or pride, or reassurance. There is no one they can confide with, or seek help from. They can receive thoughts and ideas, but those lowly opinions hardly matter at all to them. Some of their feelings are hid, others are cautiously spread verbally or physically, unsure if that is the right thing or not. There is a simple wish, and a simple hope to figure out what all this means for them. There is a need to know this flame, this spark of fiery emotion. The need to learn. The need for answers. The need to be sure of what's next.