Staggering.

I am trying go back to the way I was, to they way that I used to think before I had met him. I learned to be so independent, so individualistic. I feel as if I am struggling, pulling at something that could be, and in that, losing who I was once so proud of just mere months ago. I feel like I am reverting back to those dreaded "Cam Days." Those days where I constantly sought to find reassurance in my relationship, even those relationships outside of romantic emotions. Brandon and I are barely nothing, but he is the first guy in ages that I have really felt something for, and actually have not gotten bored of, and moved on from.
So now, here I am, complaining about boy drama.
I need to find a better excuse for blogging than complaining about boy drama. Seriously. Eff.
On a lighter note, I started reading The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and if it weren't for all the family and stuff this weekend, I wouldn't have been able to put it down.

Heart.

So, I was asked to start blogging again. I explained to them that I was unsure of what to say, having not much going on in my life. She told me to talk about Brandon, or to talk about how I am failing out of MSU. Both of which would probably not interest any of you.
I mean, yes, I guess it would be news to you that I like someone, and actually haven't dropped his ass from being bored of him after three months like I have with the last couple of people that I have grown attached to, or had gone on a few dates with. Brandon is someone new and exciting, and I think I really, really like him. Things are kind of weird and up in the air now, just because we no longer see each other all the time, and he just came out of a year-and-a-half long relationship with a girl who was his best friend and just a whole bunch of other things. Visiting him a couple of days ago was a blast; I feel like is was a year ago, but it was only Monday and Tuesday. I guess that also shows you how much I love spending time with this kid. We even kissed, which I know you didn't need to hear, but holy crap, I feel like a giddy school girl about the whole freaking thing. I really hope things will work out between us, but its summer right now, and so I am not too worried. Its mostly just wanting the other to come visit and blah blah blah.
The next thing just makes me depressed. I tried so much harder this last semester to do well in my classes, but to no avail. There was the one anthropology class that only had three tests, no homework, and no participation points, and it completely raped me. I even took the bonus test that would help my grade by ten percent, and that shit did nothing for me. Absolutely nothing. Then there was the other anthropology class that I should have done better in, and I didn't. I have one semester to redeem myself, and if I don't, MSU will kick me out for a year. Fuck. I really need to to do better. Laura and I are in the same boat, and so we plan on working really hard together to get shit done. Not to mention, I told Jessica, Amanda, and Brandon about it, and they plan on helping me out as well. Especially Brandon with the math, seeing as he is a computer-science major, and in the honors college, he can REALLY help me out, and Jessica can help me with my ISS class, because she is a weird science major and would understand what I am looking at. I just really need to pull my shit together.
So there, there is what is on my mind, or rather, what is in my heart: something more than a crush with Brandon, and then losing the new city that I have grown fond of.

New Year Resolutions

Yeah, I know. I am so lame, because I have resolutions. I probably will break them too.

• Quit smoking. I'm almost there. I can go like every couple of days without having one. The only thing that kills me is the second I have alcohol, I want to smoke. BAD NEWS. But, I'm working on it.
• Do better in school, like 100% better, and make this major actually count for something, and not change it again, and just be satisfied that my major has nothing to do with mathematics.
• Pick up more hours at work and not fall behind on money like last semester. By extension of that, pay Rosie back by the end of January. That's right, that means paying her rent for this month, and all 500 bucks I owe her from December and the two shopping trips in November. I got this. The first couple weeks of school won't be hard, and I won't be going home until February, SO, I can totally pick up some hours. MOTIVATION.
• Don't give a fuck about someone who doesn't deserve it. I need to quit being so nice and letting people walk all over me. I am so sick of people taking advantage of the fact that they know I will forgive them, before they even start apologizing. I want an apology, I want to hear regret, I want you begging on your hands and knees for me to accept your apology because you know my friendship is well worth the effort. I want none of the crap where there is a simple, "I'm sorry," and then laughing like two seconds later. Heck no. None of that shit.
• Get back into running. I want to be able to run around my block and not die of a heart attack.
• Lose the last 7 or so pounds, and then I will be back to my weight in high school. What up. ( Being able to run around the block will help this. That, and not being able to afford groceries and real food ).
• Start writing a book. I have ideas. I need to record them. Bring on the composition notebooks. I already have three filled with ideas. Have I expanded on them? Nope, they sit there. 
• Be brave enough to share my work with others that aren't my teachers or groups on a project. If I can't be brave enough to share my ideas with friends and family, then what is the point of being a creative writing major?

Jungle Juice

Cut It Out.

Mind. Shh. You can't seem to concentrate if you wander like that. No need to worry about that now. That's not what you want. There are other things to stress about. Like passing your Bio and Chem class. This is against everything you have been talking about since the beginning of the summer. Grrr. Stop making me listen to this stupid, cheesy, lame-ass music. This is stupid. This is stupid. This is stupid.
This is not important.


Jana might be coming to America in March.

Bleh Bleh Bleh

I don't know what to say. Things are fine here. I am getting used to it here. Here is where I live. Here is where I go to school. Here is where I go to work. But here is not where I am making too many friends. I mean, I have "friends," but I don't hang out with them. I am as restless as ever. I think I only feel down on the weekends, where I don't have something consuming my time, consuming my mind, and consuming my worries.
Today was a good day though. I went to the football game, and we won, which was awesome. I went with Shane, Landon, Landon's girlfriend, her friend, Colin, and Trevor. So that was awesome. Shane and I were then going to hang out the whole day/night, but he got a call about his dad being in the hospital.
I have to admit, I am a tad worried. He took the news very strangely. I know he doesn't get along well with his dad, but I don't know. I am kind of worried about that kid.
Now that those plans have gone out the door, I think I am just going to sit around and watch movies, be a bum, and have some Captain and cider.
I don't know why I feel so bummed about all of this. Bleeeeh.
CHEER UP MEG.

Antsy.

Get me the fuck out of this apartment. Take me somewhere new. Take me to meet new people. Please shove a very alcoholic beverage in my hand and let me run rampant. Show me that fun exists out there. Show me that there is more then this apartment, this laptop, this couch, this phone, this radio. Let me know that there is something like a life out there.

A Connecticut Yankee In King Arthur's Court

I got a tattoo. 

SHHH. Not even Rosie knows. Muahaha.
(That means keep it a secret guys!)

COUGH COUGH COUGH

I need to stop smoking.

How about by next week?

After this weekend, and after this pack, I am done.

Hold me to it guys. Just keep calling me an asshole and that I am weird, and that I will die of cancer by the time I am 30. Just do it.

Look What Has Become Of Me

This is me, watching Fullmetal Alchemist, suuuuuuuper obessed. Thanks for talking about all the time guys, NOW I AM ADDICTED.

All I do is homework, watch Fullmetal Alchemist, and eat when I am at my apartment. At least during the week that is. I really need to get out more.

I Miss You All So Much.

I Told You So.

I am sick of all of you. Seriously, grow up and take responsibility for your actions. Fuck.

August.

Hurry the fuck up. I want to be able to do things for myself without someone who is fifty and acts like they are seven telling me what to do.

Also, MY BIRTHDAY IS IN TWO DAYS WHICH MEANS HARRY POTTER IS IN TWO DAYS.

Phew! Had to get that off my chest.

Rasheed's Poop

Umm. I had a lot of fun last night, along with a lot of Mickey's and a lot of cigarette's. Praise the Lord that I don't feel like shit right now, because I only got four hours of sleep. Tawas here I come!

Odd Predicaments.

• I've been asked to go to Josh's wedding, not as like a date or anything, just asked if I was going to go to it since my family was invited. Not that I was in love with the guy, but I still feel as if he would make things extremely awkward. Liz has been okay with everything, and she wanted to make sure I was okay before she extended that invites to me, or whatever, but idk, I may just skip this one.
• I haven't told my work yet that I am moving in August/ got into Michigan State. This could be bad. I just don't want them to hire someone to train and then cut my hours in doing so, because I know I work with stupid, lame people like that. I actually probably won't say anything until the end of July...
• Not that this is bad, but its odd that my mom is okay with me being gone for two nights in Grand Rapids with Bill and Nicole, staying at Bill's apartment. I know my dad was a little annoyed that I would be staying at a guy's apartment, but its Bill. I just think its weird that my parents are okay with it seeing as Laura's open house is that weekend. Missing out on yard work, HECK YEAH!

I am just so excited for a tiny little vacation to Grand Rapids, or anywhere for that matter. Its been summer for a month for me, and I still haven't had a little R & R since school ended. This is going to be great!

Quit Being A Weirdo.

I am going to make new friends and they are never going to meet you because you are creepy and follow behind me and try talking to them and act like you have known them for years. Cut it out, you are creepy. And stop trying to shove it into my face that you know them, big deal, they are my friends too, not just yours.

I'm In A Bad Mood.

Which was turned around a bit by learning that Fry will be coming home this weekend, so that was good to hear.

And my dad putting gas in my car, that was nice too.

But other than that, I have been just Negative Nancy all day.

• Somehow it took me until this morning to find out that I have a total of SIX exams next week. Count 'em, 1-2-3-4-5-6. Possibly seven if my German teacher decides to give us an oral exam, which she most undoubtedly will. I have two in Bio (Lab and Lecture), two in German (written and if oral happens, then that too), and THREE in math.
• Now about math. I fucking hate my math teacher that son-of-a-bitch. He teaches nothing and we are only on CHAPTER 3 and its the end of the semester. WTF. So we have test three on Tuesday, and test four stapled to our final exam on Thursday. I am so mad right now.
• To propel this situation further in to the depths of complete shit, I realized that I would also have no time to study this weekend, because I will be working 27 hours. Now, I shouldn't be complaining, because I REALLY need the money for my apartment in the Fall, but sjdhaljskhdsa, its exam week and its kicking my ass. To top it off, I work 2-8 on Easter Sunday, which is stupid, because everyone at my work knows I am like the only one who actually GOES to church. Those dicks. But, I guess since we just fired two more people, we need to start covering more shifts.

I just really need it to be spring. I need it to be warm, my classes to be over, I need the time to go and workout and burn off some steam, and there to be a bonfire scheduled. Sheesh. And maybe another Jimmy concert!

Single.

I may look like the biggest bitch ever, but at least I am being honest with myself.

Hmm.

I kind of have the feeling I may have rushed into things a little bit. Hmm.

More over-analyzing?

Weeeeeeird.

So, I feel a little better after just talking to Bri and having her talk me through this. I barely slept at all last night. It was a mixture of being excited, and being scared shitless. This relationship junk is scary, and I am definitely not used it, but I can learn. Its just going to take me some time. Mostly, I just need to stop over-analyzing things and just go with it.

It's just that I haven't done the whole serious relationship thing in a couple years, and I was given like a month to completely fall for the dude, versus right now where I decided I liked him like a week or two ago. Two weeks ago I decided I had a crush, last week I actually told someone about it.

I just really need to take a chill pill. Or, just down about five more cups of coffee.

I got this.