Love.

I'm not strong enough to say yes or no. I'm not sure what would happen if I answered the question at all. I just wish things didn't have to be this way. So many things are getting in the way right now. Was it always meant to be like this? Was I the one destined to make the choice? Was I the one who would always feel torn like this? I hate that it has come to this. Why now? Why me? Why this? Why this only chance? Why has this happened to you? Why couldn't this have been happening when I prayed for it every single night? Why did I finally decide to give up? Since when did I lose hope in things? I can't take this right now. I wish that this never would have happened. I wish that this was said to me a month ago. I wish that I never chose to forget. I know I never forgot; I still pray for you. I just wish that it would have been answered at a more convenient time. I wish that I didn't feel this way. I think I can truly feel my heart ripping in two right now. One side is for you, the other is for God knows what. I know what is holding me back, to some extent. I am living in fear of the future. I know I should just let things happen, but what if it ends worse than I could ever imagine. What if I come to realize that I could never love you back? What if that old feeling has gone for good? What if I can't find any way to let you come back to me? What if my heart never wants to open back up for you? What if we end up going our separate ways? I have no idea how to go about this. I know that everyone will hate me for this. I just don't know. My eyes hurt from crying every night so confused and depressed with all of this. My heart aches at the thought of losing you forever. My mind is pulsating from going over everything in my head hour after hour. I do pray every night that things would turn around, but now that they have, my heart feels as though it is made of lead. I don't know if I am willing to let it all go now. I think I am losing it. People are noticing now my sanity going. I don't see why something like this has to be so stressful. I can't take it, yet I am almost willing to throw everything out the window just to show that I can do it, that I can prove people wrong. I wish that it didn't have to be this hard. I wish... I wish that loving you was a whole lot easier.