I am trying go back to the way I was, to they way that I used to think before I had met him. I learned to be so independent, so individualistic. I feel as if I am struggling, pulling at something that could be, and in that, losing who I was once so proud of just mere months ago. I feel like I am reverting back to those dreaded "Cam Days." Those days where I constantly sought to find reassurance in my relationship, even those relationships outside of romantic emotions. Brandon and I are barely nothing, but he is the first guy in ages that I have really felt something for, and actually have not gotten bored of, and moved on from.
So now, here I am, complaining about boy drama.
I need to find a better excuse for blogging than complaining about boy drama. Seriously. Eff.
On a lighter note, I started reading The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and if it weren't for all the family and stuff this weekend, I wouldn't have been able to put it down.
27 May 2012
17 May 2012
Heart.
So, I was asked to start blogging again. I explained to them that I was unsure of what to say, having not much going on in my life. She told me to talk about Brandon, or to talk about how I am failing out of MSU. Both of which would probably not interest any of you.
I mean, yes, I guess it would be news to you that I like someone, and actually haven't dropped his ass from being bored of him after three months like I have with the last couple of people that I have grown attached to, or had gone on a few dates with. Brandon is someone new and exciting, and I think I really, really like him. Things are kind of weird and up in the air now, just because we no longer see each other all the time, and he just came out of a year-and-a-half long relationship with a girl who was his best friend and just a whole bunch of other things. Visiting him a couple of days ago was a blast; I feel like is was a year ago, but it was only Monday and Tuesday. I guess that also shows you how much I love spending time with this kid. We even kissed, which I know you didn't need to hear, but holy crap, I feel like a giddy school girl about the whole freaking thing. I really hope things will work out between us, but its summer right now, and so I am not too worried. Its mostly just wanting the other to come visit and blah blah blah.
The next thing just makes me depressed. I tried so much harder this last semester to do well in my classes, but to no avail. There was the one anthropology class that only had three tests, no homework, and no participation points, and it completely raped me. I even took the bonus test that would help my grade by ten percent, and that shit did nothing for me. Absolutely nothing. Then there was the other anthropology class that I should have done better in, and I didn't. I have one semester to redeem myself, and if I don't, MSU will kick me out for a year. Fuck. I really need to to do better. Laura and I are in the same boat, and so we plan on working really hard together to get shit done. Not to mention, I told Jessica, Amanda, and Brandon about it, and they plan on helping me out as well. Especially Brandon with the math, seeing as he is a computer-science major, and in the honors college, he can REALLY help me out, and Jessica can help me with my ISS class, because she is a weird science major and would understand what I am looking at. I just really need to pull my shit together.
So there, there is what is on my mind, or rather, what is in my heart: something more than a crush with Brandon, and then losing the new city that I have grown fond of.
I mean, yes, I guess it would be news to you that I like someone, and actually haven't dropped his ass from being bored of him after three months like I have with the last couple of people that I have grown attached to, or had gone on a few dates with. Brandon is someone new and exciting, and I think I really, really like him. Things are kind of weird and up in the air now, just because we no longer see each other all the time, and he just came out of a year-and-a-half long relationship with a girl who was his best friend and just a whole bunch of other things. Visiting him a couple of days ago was a blast; I feel like is was a year ago, but it was only Monday and Tuesday. I guess that also shows you how much I love spending time with this kid. We even kissed, which I know you didn't need to hear, but holy crap, I feel like a giddy school girl about the whole freaking thing. I really hope things will work out between us, but its summer right now, and so I am not too worried. Its mostly just wanting the other to come visit and blah blah blah.
The next thing just makes me depressed. I tried so much harder this last semester to do well in my classes, but to no avail. There was the one anthropology class that only had three tests, no homework, and no participation points, and it completely raped me. I even took the bonus test that would help my grade by ten percent, and that shit did nothing for me. Absolutely nothing. Then there was the other anthropology class that I should have done better in, and I didn't. I have one semester to redeem myself, and if I don't, MSU will kick me out for a year. Fuck. I really need to to do better. Laura and I are in the same boat, and so we plan on working really hard together to get shit done. Not to mention, I told Jessica, Amanda, and Brandon about it, and they plan on helping me out as well. Especially Brandon with the math, seeing as he is a computer-science major, and in the honors college, he can REALLY help me out, and Jessica can help me with my ISS class, because she is a weird science major and would understand what I am looking at. I just really need to pull my shit together.
So there, there is what is on my mind, or rather, what is in my heart: something more than a crush with Brandon, and then losing the new city that I have grown fond of.
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