A Piece of Advice to Myself

You better watch your step.

I don't even know what to say anymore

I'll try and not let this get me down.

Let It Happen by Jimmy Eat World

Talk, talking a lot, but its still talk

Gotta love how its somehow all on me

All the petty scenes

And all the pretty things

Say whatever you want

'Cause I can laugh it off

I can laugh it off

Wow!

Okay, okay. So let me get this straight. After you deliberately see that you have had enough of me, you go and text some of my good friends. WTF? How low can you really go? Just stay the fuck out of people's lives until you are at college. No need to ruin everyones' summer! And you claim that you know the real me? You haven't seen nothing yet. It's you that you have to watch out for my friend....

By the way. I'm pretty sure there is no way you can ruin my summer at this point, because I do have good friends who take care of me. Yes, I did just pull that "friend" card on you. Want to pull a "shut the fuck up" card, that seemed to work so nicely before; really got me quiet, you know?

You Are Such A Great Friend

Damn. Could you be just a little but more of an asshole for me?

Yeah, you are totally right, I should be the one taking the pills. Mhmm. Perfect sense.

Well that's why you are such a fucking idiot and cant even make up your mind, because you are too busy thinking with your cock.

I'll take that good riddance, thank you very much.

Probably talk to you in a week or so because you are just so not whole without me. Yeah I've heard it before.

Notice My Sarcasm

Okay, so I cant really predict a breakdown; its one of those few things that seem to be out of my control. I know, its a weird concept to grasp, but alas, its true. So I hardly see any reason to be scared of my emotions, when they 1. weren't caused by you, 2. had nothing to do with you. So please, just man up a bit, and stop running away when I shed a single tear. Its not like you never ran away and got angry at your mother. Am I right? Yes, I thought so. So how about growing a pair and acting your age, and just go back to being friends like we were a week before. Sheesh.

I did scare him away...

I'm Falling Apart

I had a breakdown.
I can no longer pick up a notebook and stream ideas from the pen.
I have no fucking place to run to.
I think I have frightened him away.
My damn phone has been taken away.
I'm restless.
I'm angry.
I can barely control this anger.
I'm just as edgy today as I was yesterday.
There is nothing to clean in my room to clear my mind.
I'm fucking falling apart.

Losing It

I used to be so inspired. What happened?

When I said I had a rough day...

What I really meant was that I had a miniature panic attack in my car outside of Mallory's house for no reason that I could think of. I don't think things will be the same between him and I for a while because I scared him shitless while on the phone with him, as well as myself.

Please don't ask me about it. Please don't mention it.

Well when you put it like that...

That makes it the saddest thing I've heard in quite some time.

One. Last. Summer.

Yet it's what I've wanted for so long.

This Is How I Feel

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Thanks Mom

My mom said I'm a disappointment because I wont take honors classes at Mott. She thinks I have no motivation to do anything with the rest of my life. Apparently I should have a job already, even though I haven't had my car for even a week. Just because I'm not going to go into something big and amazing like Rosie is, doesn't mean I'm worthless. Thanks a lot, you make me feel really good about myself.

I tend to be a random individual.

This week has been pretty dang awesome. Harry Potter, my birthday, my laptop, my own set of keys, soccer, and then getting classes tomorrow (I hope). My birthday was boring after the ER ordeal, but that's okay. I'm going to have my bonfire next Friday instead, because less people will be working, and even Mark will make an appearance haha. You know how important that is...

So, before I got my license, people said they loved the freedom of having a car and going wherever you want. This feeling is true, but its so much more. Like jamming to your favorite songs, having all the control of the car, and the freedom that you are somewhere your parents don't have any say, well kind of. I try not pushing my parents' buttons at the moment, so that they will trust me more later, when people want me to go party and junk. Still, driving is amazing.

Speaking of my parents, my mother is ridiculous. She wanted me to sign up for honors classes. There are a total of four classes; macro-economics, human relations, mathematics, and music appreciation. Why the hell would I waste my time with those classes first semester?! So, I proceeded to call the Honors Office to get an interview, and the lady is gone until the 21st of this month. How am I going to get any other good classes?! I told my mother this, and she said, "Oh well, that's the price you pay for good classes." Oh hell no. I am paying the loans, I am getting a job, I am coaching. I don't want to take lame-ass honors classes that do almost nothing for my career of choice. I went to my dad right away, because I knew he would understand my situation. Good thing was, he did see it my way, and is taking me tomorrow morning for loans and classes and whatnot. Thank God.

By the way, my new laptop is freaking sweet!!!!!!!!

A Random List of Nothingness

Rosie's laptop is ungodly slow.
Bri has me addicted to Gogol Bordello.
New Skins season isn't as good as the first so far (Cook is obnoxious).
My parents insist I do an honors college application. LAME!
I need a shower, badly.
We are getting our new car next week, handing the truck over to me :).
Didn't manage to go to the Secretary of States today for my license; they closed at noon, dang it.
I am enjoying re-reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince way too much. I didn't realize how much I actually missed having my nose in a Harry Potter book. And is it just me, or is it way more funny after not reading it for a couple years. I almost peed myself laughing when Harry arrived at the Burrow. Those damn Weasleys are amazing.
Four days until my Birthday and Harry Potter comes out.
I wonder how many times I'll see this one in theaters?
I want to go to Chicago, I think my family might!
Swimming anyone?

Uhh.

I'm throwing all caution into the wind.

The End.

Yesterday Gave Me The Warm Fuzzily Feeling

LAST NIGHT WAS AWESOME.

I'm going go ahead and say that last night was one of the awesomest bonfires I've had in the longest time. No one was sad about anything, I wasn't upset about anything. It was all very good. So many people came to me last night and said that last night was awesome. Pat myself on the back!
There was however the issue of the fireworks hahahaha!
We were only allowed to set off one, just one. We did so, being good obedient children. I called my dad to see if we could send off another, and he said no, so we did what most teenagers would do: disobey. Drew, Katie, Fry, Annie, and I all proceeded to hop the fence, run to the middle of the field, and set off another mortar. We laughed at our awesomeness as we hopped the fence back into my yard, and nonchalantly headed back towards the party. Immediately I asked drew to get a rocket. I found a pipe/rod to set the rocket off in, and Katie, Annie, Drew, and I headed back to the spot in the field. We hopped the fence at a different spot, and waited along the boundary lines for Drew to run back when he lit the rocket. Then, I get a call from Carla saying, "By the way, your dad is in the backyard, and I think he is looking for you." Oh shit. I look up and Drew has the lighter lit, and is reaching for the rocket. "DREW, DON'T LIGHT IT! MY DAD IS OUTSIDE!" He pocketed the lighter, and ran back to where we were sitting. We waited and waited for Carla to call us back, saying that my dad was no longer outside, and we were free to light the last explosive for the night, but there was no word. Then Dani called and asked us where we were. We heard her and Alexis laughing about God knows what just on the opposite side of the fence from us. We laughed in whispers as I told her to steal her car and go buy food with Katie's money. Katie sat pouting at the plan, but she knew it was the only way to get her sister quiet. We waited a couple more minutes before I called Carla back. Carla told me that my dad was still waiting in the backyard, so Katie and I went to find an opening in the fence, so we could go and relieve my dad of his fatherly duties. I was the first to hop the fence, so of course I was going to make the most noise. First the fence breaks under me, causing my leg to get caught, and making me tumble head first in to a thorn bush. During this whole process, I whisper very loudly a string of bad words. Then I had to help pull Katie out of the thorns. She also said "shit" for every other word. We begin to laugh at our clumsiness and walk towards the bonfire, and I see my dad step out of the deeply shaded bushes. Shit. He asks what we are doing, and I answer just talking. He then asked me to get the other people to quiet down, and get everyone from the other side of the bench, now. I send Katie to shut Alexis and Dani up, and i grab Annie and Drew from the field, head over to Carla and Bri, and freak out at how much trouble I'm in. Come to find out, no trouble at all. Thank God.

Last night was a blast.

Stupid Random Entry.

How is it that the people you want to hear from never make an effort to get to you, and the people you never want to hear from for a good long while, bug you incessantly?

Stupid friends.

Speaking of which, I'm flattered by the attention...NOT. Landon just needs to leave me alone. How can he still want to talk to me when I act like a total bitch to him?

Stupid boys.

I know this sounds crazy and emo, don't worry, I'm not going back to the super unhappy Meg (that I know of), but I just really feel like getting away. Like crawling into a hole and just being alone for a bit. My mind is all jumbled and I feel stressed. I have no idea why, but I just feel pressure and weirdness going on, and I definitely don't like it. Its summer! I shouldn't feel stress. I just am getting these headaches all the time again, and cant sleep, because I think too much at night and whatever. Bleh.

Stupid thinking too much.