Oh, I got Brad in trouble.....

Why is everyone so fucking far away? Sheesh. I'm going to have the hugest bonfire Thanksgiving weekend. Save the date.

A few things about today.

Things are so much easier for us now. I still would like to talk a bit more about what I'm thinking about for all of this.
When I was informed of the date of my "party," I began to mentally prepare myself. I'm so nervous about it and I have no idea why! Okay, yes I do haha. I'm in good hands though, so I think it's okay.
Jana, your video made me cry at the end and I have no idea why haha. Ich vermisse dich!
I did so much homework today, that I think I'm done for the rest of the week. Lies....Although, I'm about ready to shoot my Chem teacher.
Kristin's dress that I tried on today, costing over $800 was the most awesome thing ever. It was Ralph Lauren cashmere. A doctor bought it for her, and a polo, and said this: "Someone did this for me when I graduated college, and now I'm going to do it for you, just pay it forward whenever you can to someone else." Holy shit.
Was it freezing all day, or was that just me?

Oh, Cameron.

It feels so much better between us when we aren't committed to the future. We have this freedom, and I think that makes us breathe easier. Will this lead to something? I have a feeling it will lead into something we had planned to not happen, making it an unplanned happening that will make us feel great. Or am I just assuming the inevitable happening in a better way that I had already imagined? I just know that something will happen, and I know you will try as hard as you might to prevent it, but I know it wont be enough. Deep down, I truly hope that you fail.

Why the fuck am I crying about this?

I already woke up crying to a nightmare about regretting this. Maybe you are right Bri; no fear.

I'm such a jealous person. You are far away. We are both busy. We are both stubborn. I'm clingy. You're distant. I'm confused. I'm wondering on how you plan to change things. You don't respond. I am annoying. You are frustrating. I'm impatient. I'm selfish, and so are you. We lack sympathy. You lack communication. You have so many new friends now, and I do not. I long to understand what we both know not. What is wrong with us? Why do we dare to do this to ourselves? It's as if we WANT to end up like this all over again. Why do I allow this to happen? Why do you? What the fuck?

This doesn't have to do with Brad. I'm sure you can guess who...

Apology by Safetysuit

Whoa Oh (4x) I wanna be with you
Whoa Oh (4x) I wanna be with you

Its all my fault today, I’m sorry for the way I was to you
Its all so wrong you see and I’m sorry for the words I say to you
But if you ask me I will go, anything for you
But if you ask me I will go, cause baby I need you

Whoa Oh (4x) I wanna be with you
Whoa Oh (4x) I wanna see what you see, see what you see in me

Am I on my own today, all alone with nothing left to say
Can it all go back the way, it used to be when you were here with me
But if you ask me I will go, anything for you
But if you ask me I will go, cause baby I need you

Whoa Oh (4x) I wanna be with you
Whoa Oh (4x) I wanna see what you see, see what you see in me
Whoa Oh (3x) I want you to notice me cause I’m already lonely and I don’t know what to do

You say I cant be honest with you
You say I cant be honest, well what now

Whoa Oh (4x) I wanna be with you
Whoa Oh (4x) I wanna see what you see, see what you see in me
Whoa Oh (3x) I want you to notice me cause I’m already lonely and I don’t know what to do

I don’t know what to do baby, I don’t know what to do
I don’t know what to do baby, I don’t know what to do

Just A Little Complaining

I have some homework to do, but there are so many other things clouding my mind right now.
SVSU vs. NMU.
Things with Cam.
Things with Brad.
My major.
Getting a job.
Things with this past weekend.
Things with this coming weekend.
My three volleyball games this week.

If any other guy that I have had feelings for in the past couple years would like to come back and haunt me, please do so now.

Oh, tonight will be interesting. Right about now I have this weird feeling in my stomach, because I'm nervous. I shouldn't be nervous should I? There is nothing to worry about is there? I guess if I'm nervous right now, then there is a good reason to feel nervous. Oh shit.

Why Me?

Dear God,
Why hast thou blessed me with the crappy guys. I'm confused. Please send me a prince.
Amen.

Songs Currently Put On Repeat

Geraldine by Glasvegas

Always Where I Need to be by The Kooks

C'mon (On My Own) by Chester French

Paparazzi by Lady Gaga

She Loves Everybody by Chester French

Picture by Mute Math

Sometime Around Midnight by The Airborne Toxic Event

Losin' It by Fallbrooke

Take Me Home by After Midnight Project

We Were Merely Freshmen by Third Eye Blind

Love Hurts by Incubus

1901 by Phoenix

She's a Genius by Jet

Uprising by Muse

Electrify by Mute Math

OK by Mute Math

Starstruck by Lady Gaga

Oh sheesh.

Let me tell you how my day went.
I always have to leave the house and hour early before my class starts, that sort of went smoothly. Until I got there and I had to park by the Planetarium. Not happy about that. Then I proceeded to have a riveting Philosophy class. Seriously, this class is amazing, and all I learned about today, was how to argue logically. It was fantastic. During this time, I received a couple text messages. I dont really read them in class because I dont want to miss anything (especially in philo). I checked my phone when class was over. One text from Kristin about job applications, the other from my dad making a witty joke about the Planetarium, and the other from Cameron. I was like huh? It was a long text explaining to me how he still never feels fully forgiven by me. I'm not sure where he got that idea from, because I have forgiven him. Its what I do, forgive and forget; holding grudges is not my forte, and I would rather have a friend that messes up really bad, then for them to mess up once and I never talk to them ever again. I like my friends, what can I say. So i proceeded to explain this to him, and make sure everything was alright, and whatnot. I caught up with Chris and Clinton and we had lunch together in one of the various food areas. Cynthia saw us after Clinton left and joined us. Overall, a non-lonely lunch which is what I was aiming for. Still no new friends though. Just a couple of nice girls in a couple of my classes, besides Nicole of course. After lunch, I proceeded to DIE in my chemistry class. WHY THE HECK DID I TAKE IT? Ahhh! If I have to re-learn SigFigs one more time, I'm gonna shoot myself. Sheesh. The teacher has a froggy voice that is hard to pay attention to, I'm surrounded by idiots, and there are NO LABS. FML! I'm pretty sure thats the reason most people take that class. So basically I'm taking all the math parts of chemistry. GAH!
After classes were over, I headed over to get Laura, then coached until five. I decided to be mean today, because we have only two days before our first game against one of the hardest teams in our league. The A team coach then started practice 30 minutes after ours started and stole the whole court. My girls played on the court for about 10 minutes because they scheduled them to practice at 3:30, but that is the exact time they get out of school, so that was such a waste of my time. We proceeded to do control drills for the rest of the time, me getting more frustrated by the minute. Eventually I made them pass to the wall so that they could A. get more control on their passes, B. the balls would rocket onto A teams practice muahaha. I finally made it through practice, treating the girls to the candy they won last week, and getting to drive home exhausted. Then I had to come home to my mom getting up my butt about crap, so that was awesome. Now it has finally calmed down and I think I shall treat myself to Moulin Rouge. Sound good?

College

So today was, overall, a pretty good first day of the real world. Philosophy seems to be the winner of the day for, well about everything you can grade a class on- teacher, subject, homework assignments, and getting out early haha. My chemistry class on the other hand. Don't get me started- boring, crazy, red-headed, old teacher, ridiculous things I don't remember from my sophomore year, a stupid douche bag that thought he was the shit, and now experiments. How dry... A nice girl sat next to me, so that's pretty cool. I then spent the rest of my time wandering around the school Bri, buying her books, walking her to class, and whatnot.
Tomorrow will consist of English, Psychology, and investigating the library. Laura wants me to pick her up tomorrow, so I have two hours to kill. I will take some homework along that is due Thursday, and find a nice spot in the library. If tomorrow will be a lot sunnier and less humidly mucky, then I will find a good place outside to sit. Sounds like a good plan?

So long!

To what area of my life are you referring to?

Text Messages

Hmmm.

Should we have said that?

What am I supposed to be feeling now?

Should I feel like this?

What do you think?

This is weird.

Today

Well that was fun.

This Wont Make Sense To You

Uhh hmmm. I dont know what to say. My mind is a jumble about all of this. I cant think about how it will go, and what she thinks of it. Grr. This is a weird, frustrating feeling, but I kind of like it for once. I dont get your reasons for the invitation, yet I understand that you have some lose ends you want to tie. I think thats why you said that. You have me feeling confused and have me pondering things, new things, so thats an interesting change. Did you think about what I said to you? I think you did, or at least it seems like you did. This is all so confusing, especially since you are so busy and have no time to talk at all.