What I Learned In School Today Is...

Everyone is a conformist in some way.

I seem to easliy disappoint people.

Hamburger cake is delicious :D.

I can never get bored of the Sims2.

Teens hate their parents.

I don't know how I feel about him yet.

Double Cheeseburgers are their own food group (hell yeah).

It's never going to get warmer.

Hamlet faces a lot of behavior influenced by his own weaknesses.

My friend dyes her hair, as much as I paint my nails.

Feelings

As much people will hate me for saying this, and maybe as much as I will hate saying this as well, I think I might go out with him again. I can't stand not being with him, and he feels the same for me. We both promised each other some time to figure out what we want, and what we want to fix. I mean, things can change, and maybe my feelings will change. The thing is, I'm afraid that my feelings will change if too much time goes by. God, I'm so pathetic. I really wish that I could change the way that I feel, because the same thing is going to happen again, and everyone knows it. I'm probably going to lose friends or something for this, because people have lost respect for him; I've had like 20 people tell me this. These same people will lose respect for me as well, because I'm going to be with a guy they lost respect for. This whole first love thing is so confusing and it sucks. I either wish that 1. none of this stupid stuff happened, and that he didn't do those dumb things, and we just lived happily ever after, or 2. that I hadn't gone back out with him the third time. Geez, I'm hopeless...

Moving

I think I did pretty well today. I presumed that I would find myself in the bathroom, crying every now and then, making myself seem like a dramatic cry-baby. On the other hand, I was pretty much my normal self. I was called hostile today as a joke, but could tell that the person who said it was being slightly serious. I think I do have a pretty good reason to be hostile, especially towards a guy who thinks I'm easily persuaded. I think I will seriously kick some guys ass if they think they can get me on the rebound. All I have to do is look forward to all the dances I'm going to (up to 3 now in the next month) and all the fun times I will be with my friends. As lame and stupid as this sounds, Valentine's might be sort of hard for me, only because we had some ideas about what we wanted to do, and the fact that my twin has a boyfriend and I'm going to be jealous of that.

I wonder how tomorrow will go. Will he be back in school? Will he confront me? I don't think I will have too much of a problem if he does, I will be maybe sad, but also feel very, very awkward. I know I will get used to it eventually, but it will take some time. I know that I will get back into the swing of being single again. I think I enjoy the freedom right now. I going to dance with whoever I want at these dances, see the people I want to see, and just do whatever makes me happy.

It's such a relief that I don't have to feel awkward about going to his house when we are both feeling unsure of the other. Or seeing each other in the hall and feeling guilty or feeling ashamed. Its like a huge weight has lifted off of me, and I am free from it now. I am going to miss it, but now that I think about it, it will be good for me in the long run. I think I'm going to stay away from relationships for a good long time now...

It's Over

It's hard to let go of someone when they were so much a part of your life. It hurts me to think that they wont be the next one I kiss, the next one I dance with, and then next one I hold hands with. At first I couldn't believe I did it. I quickly ripped the bracelet off my wrist and grabbed my box of all my old things and threw it in there. I quickly went to the wall where my pictures were, and started taking down all the pictures of us. I pulled them off as slow as I could, and threw them in the box too. Now that box sits on my top shelf, holding the pictures and the most expensive thing he ever bought me. Its hard to let those little reminders go, but I know that if they dont come down now, then I wont be able to do it later; just like last time. God, this is so difficult and it hurts, but I feel some relief with it.

Confused

I'm still debating the fact if I should stay, or if I should go. I love him to death, but if I stay, that will leave me vulnerable. Many of my friends think that its a bad idea to stay with them, and I agree. I just feel like he needs me. For example, he told me he really needed me to talk to him last night, but both of us fell asleep and didn't bother contacting the other. So I asked him today what he wanted to talk about, and he just said that he just needed someone to talk to. I tried to see what he really wanted to talk about, but he didn't say; he just wanted to talk. We both agree that we need to smooth things over, and make things seem less awkward. Right now, things seem a little weird between us, because we were arguing, and then I found out this crappy news. So I'm sort of confused at the moment. Right now it looks like I'm going to stay with him and see how it goes. The main thing I'm going to talk about is what happened. Then we are going to go over some other things that bother me and things that bother him. Hopefully we can work this out. If not, well then...

Do I Stay or Do I Go?

So I'm not really sure on how i should proceed with this. I'm thinking that the smartest thing to do would be to leave him after all of this, but that just breaks my heart to do that. I don't want to end things the way they are: on a bad note. I always pictured us, if we were to end things, saying our final goodbyes at my house or his before we left for college and taking the next big step. I don't want to think about all the pain I will put myself through if I put up with it or if I don't. Either way I'm going to be hurt. Not to mention how fucked up his life is. He might leave his parents, he has like a million things going, and he has to pick up slack at work. Maybe it will be a relief for him that I'm gone. God, that sounds so shitty to do though while someone is so stressed anyways.

Fuck. My. Life.

Good Eye Sniper

Here are some things I have learned in the past week:

1. Messy rooms make me anxious (I already knew this, but it was reconfirmed Tuesday).

2. I care too much for people who could care less.

3. I beat myself up for those people and they give me shit when I mess up.

4. Tea is my new drug. Any flavor. Preferably raspberry :D.

5. Radio songs easily reflect my mood, and I have a strange feeling that God plays them for a certain reason. I don't know why, but every time i flick on the radio, and that song reflects me and it creeps me out. I quickly change the station.

6. I learning to care less about my schoolwork= bad.

7. Most of my friends will side with me on anything :D.

8. For some reason, my inner-self needs someone to care for. When I don't have that person, I implode.

9. I'm swearing more.

10. Old coffee doesn't really bother me.

11. I'm a bitch to stupid people who fail their classes.

12. I dig the nerd look on myself. I wore my glasses like 4 days this week.

13. I still lack a license.

14. I lean on those best that I know nothing about, because they wont hurt me as bad, or tell me what I want to hear.

15. I like to know people that other people don't, and not let them get to know that person.

16. Matt Nathanson (the singer) tells me all I need to know.

17. I can be annoying, but some people find that it makes me awesome :D.

18. I'll be better when I'm older.

19. I'm really afraid of the future.

20. My last kiss with him was hard because I missed the old him. I felt like I was kissing someone else.

21. I cant hold grudges.

22. I worry about him constantly.

23. I spend my money too fast.

24. It's too hard to talk to my sisters.

25. I give up just as much as he does.

26. I need a double cheeseburger :D.

27. I'm picky about my socks.

28. I dread staying here and seeming like a loser when my sister is going to Michigan State.

29. I has now found a new love for Daft Punk.

30. I don't really like soup.

31. It's always better to pray than to wish, because at least God can hear you. I talk to him at school now.

32. Hugs are usually awkward for me.

33. Butter and toast is the shit. End of story.

34. I'm so sick of the cold.

35. I need to respect my new president more.

36. Even though people claim a movie will change my life, it really wont because I will think it's so stupid.

37. Make-up is becoming more of me.

38. I really DO paint my nails every week.

39. I never wash my sweatpants.

40. I really do need to lean on people constantly.

41. People push loved ones away, hoping that they wont get hurt. I learned this is a load of bullshit and totally pointless. I wish they would learn this too.

42. I like to have spies.

The Standard Breakfast

"I now understand why toast and eggs are a standard breakfast. It's because that shit is easy to make! Now normally I suck at cooking, but if you just hand me some bread and eggs, I know exactly what to do with it, because that shit can only be used in a few ways, all of which I know how to make. By the way, do you have any eggs? I ran out."
That was my friend, and they are my hero for saying this. Hahaha

Change Is Too Heavy for Just One Man To Carry

I'm kind of getting tired of all the craze of Obama. It's like we are welcoming the next messiah, I swear. Granted he is the first non-white president and "he's bringing change," but do we really need to go all overboard and spend $150 million on it? People got mad when President Bush and President Clinton spent nearly $100 million on theirs, but people aren't making any complaints about the price of his. Why doesn't he save that money to actually bring some change, because everyone should know that change isn't cheap, and if they don't, they got something coming to them. I really wish that some people wouldn't praise him as much as they are, because some things aren't going to turn out as people had hoped. Yes, there will be things that everyone has been waiting for, or things that no one knew needed help, and then go and fix that, but they can't expect him to get everything done that they want him to. He may even change his mind, or change plans. Things are still going to be rocky in this nation like they are now, because change is too heavy for just one man to carry.

Dating Equation?

I learned something new last night. Apparently guys have an equation for the youngest age they can date. Who knew? It goes something like this...
(Age of Guy/2)+ 7 = Youngest Age of a Girl They Can Date
So a 21-year-old guy could date a girl as young as 17. Yeah, I'm sure that will go over well with her mother.
But, I was also told that if its a number that isn't easily divided by 2, then you have to round up the age, because girls are more mature than boys. I would totally have to agree with that statement (haha).
Did anyone else know about this? Because this was all news to me...
I'm sure this is a super lame post, but I'm totally over it :D

What A Dream

To me, it always seems like I get my better dreams after I am woken up and fall back asleep. Today was one of those examples because my little sister texted me at 5:30 this morning to tell me I didn't have school, when I normally wouldn't have woken up for another 20 minutes and hit the snooze button four more times. I was already awoken from a good dream, that I can't seem to remember the details of, including my boyfriend and my twin sister doing something stupid at the mall with beach balls (Don't ask). Let me explain what happened...
My family and I were on the way to Saginaw and Frankenmuth, which happened to be one-in-the-same; something like Saginmuth (haha). We were all dressed up and on our way to dinner. I happened to notice that the inaugural ordeal of Obama was going to take place there. I saw people wearing funny clothes, many of them in fur coats. So we got onto the highway to get to our destination, emerging onto the wrong side of the highway. Avoiding as many accidents as my dad could, we quickly pulled of the freeway and made our way to the restaurant. I thought we were going to go to regular places like Bavarian Inn or Zhender's, but oh no, we were going to this weird complex that held like seven different types of restaurant. As we make our way to a super awesome looking place, my mom cuts in and says "Wait let's go there!" She points to a restaurant painted in pastel colors and and little kids that are running around everywhere. I immediately gave her the look "Are you kidding me?" No matter what face I made, she dragged us over to the restaurant and started to get us a place to sit. My little sister began singing Bohemian Rhapsody, but only one part; "Mama! Ooooo..." I looked to my dad, "Do we really have to go here?" He replies, "If this is where your mother wants to eat, then yes." I rolled my eyes and looked at my twin sister. She was giving an ugly look to a crying baby that was running through the room. I gave the same look when it broke the sound barrier saying "MAMA!" Laura came back with a quick reply, "Ooooo..." finishing that part of the song (haha).
Then I wake up.