Jungle Juice

Cut It Out.

Mind. Shh. You can't seem to concentrate if you wander like that. No need to worry about that now. That's not what you want. There are other things to stress about. Like passing your Bio and Chem class. This is against everything you have been talking about since the beginning of the summer. Grrr. Stop making me listen to this stupid, cheesy, lame-ass music. This is stupid. This is stupid. This is stupid.
This is not important.


Jana might be coming to America in March.

Bleh Bleh Bleh

I don't know what to say. Things are fine here. I am getting used to it here. Here is where I live. Here is where I go to school. Here is where I go to work. But here is not where I am making too many friends. I mean, I have "friends," but I don't hang out with them. I am as restless as ever. I think I only feel down on the weekends, where I don't have something consuming my time, consuming my mind, and consuming my worries.
Today was a good day though. I went to the football game, and we won, which was awesome. I went with Shane, Landon, Landon's girlfriend, her friend, Colin, and Trevor. So that was awesome. Shane and I were then going to hang out the whole day/night, but he got a call about his dad being in the hospital.
I have to admit, I am a tad worried. He took the news very strangely. I know he doesn't get along well with his dad, but I don't know. I am kind of worried about that kid.
Now that those plans have gone out the door, I think I am just going to sit around and watch movies, be a bum, and have some Captain and cider.
I don't know why I feel so bummed about all of this. Bleeeeh.
CHEER UP MEG.

Antsy.

Get me the fuck out of this apartment. Take me somewhere new. Take me to meet new people. Please shove a very alcoholic beverage in my hand and let me run rampant. Show me that fun exists out there. Show me that there is more then this apartment, this laptop, this couch, this phone, this radio. Let me know that there is something like a life out there.

A Connecticut Yankee In King Arthur's Court

I got a tattoo. 

SHHH. Not even Rosie knows. Muahaha.
(That means keep it a secret guys!)

COUGH COUGH COUGH

I need to stop smoking.

How about by next week?

After this weekend, and after this pack, I am done.

Hold me to it guys. Just keep calling me an asshole and that I am weird, and that I will die of cancer by the time I am 30. Just do it.

Look What Has Become Of Me

This is me, watching Fullmetal Alchemist, suuuuuuuper obessed. Thanks for talking about all the time guys, NOW I AM ADDICTED.

All I do is homework, watch Fullmetal Alchemist, and eat when I am at my apartment. At least during the week that is. I really need to get out more.

I Miss You All So Much.

I Told You So.

I am sick of all of you. Seriously, grow up and take responsibility for your actions. Fuck.

August.

Hurry the fuck up. I want to be able to do things for myself without someone who is fifty and acts like they are seven telling me what to do.

Also, MY BIRTHDAY IS IN TWO DAYS WHICH MEANS HARRY POTTER IS IN TWO DAYS.

Phew! Had to get that off my chest.

Rasheed's Poop

Umm. I had a lot of fun last night, along with a lot of Mickey's and a lot of cigarette's. Praise the Lord that I don't feel like shit right now, because I only got four hours of sleep. Tawas here I come!

Odd Predicaments.

• I've been asked to go to Josh's wedding, not as like a date or anything, just asked if I was going to go to it since my family was invited. Not that I was in love with the guy, but I still feel as if he would make things extremely awkward. Liz has been okay with everything, and she wanted to make sure I was okay before she extended that invites to me, or whatever, but idk, I may just skip this one.
• I haven't told my work yet that I am moving in August/ got into Michigan State. This could be bad. I just don't want them to hire someone to train and then cut my hours in doing so, because I know I work with stupid, lame people like that. I actually probably won't say anything until the end of July...
• Not that this is bad, but its odd that my mom is okay with me being gone for two nights in Grand Rapids with Bill and Nicole, staying at Bill's apartment. I know my dad was a little annoyed that I would be staying at a guy's apartment, but its Bill. I just think its weird that my parents are okay with it seeing as Laura's open house is that weekend. Missing out on yard work, HECK YEAH!

I am just so excited for a tiny little vacation to Grand Rapids, or anywhere for that matter. Its been summer for a month for me, and I still haven't had a little R & R since school ended. This is going to be great!

Quit Being A Weirdo.

I am going to make new friends and they are never going to meet you because you are creepy and follow behind me and try talking to them and act like you have known them for years. Cut it out, you are creepy. And stop trying to shove it into my face that you know them, big deal, they are my friends too, not just yours.

I'm In A Bad Mood.

Which was turned around a bit by learning that Fry will be coming home this weekend, so that was good to hear.

And my dad putting gas in my car, that was nice too.

But other than that, I have been just Negative Nancy all day.

• Somehow it took me until this morning to find out that I have a total of SIX exams next week. Count 'em, 1-2-3-4-5-6. Possibly seven if my German teacher decides to give us an oral exam, which she most undoubtedly will. I have two in Bio (Lab and Lecture), two in German (written and if oral happens, then that too), and THREE in math.
• Now about math. I fucking hate my math teacher that son-of-a-bitch. He teaches nothing and we are only on CHAPTER 3 and its the end of the semester. WTF. So we have test three on Tuesday, and test four stapled to our final exam on Thursday. I am so mad right now.
• To propel this situation further in to the depths of complete shit, I realized that I would also have no time to study this weekend, because I will be working 27 hours. Now, I shouldn't be complaining, because I REALLY need the money for my apartment in the Fall, but sjdhaljskhdsa, its exam week and its kicking my ass. To top it off, I work 2-8 on Easter Sunday, which is stupid, because everyone at my work knows I am like the only one who actually GOES to church. Those dicks. But, I guess since we just fired two more people, we need to start covering more shifts.

I just really need it to be spring. I need it to be warm, my classes to be over, I need the time to go and workout and burn off some steam, and there to be a bonfire scheduled. Sheesh. And maybe another Jimmy concert!

Single.

I may look like the biggest bitch ever, but at least I am being honest with myself.

Hmm.

I kind of have the feeling I may have rushed into things a little bit. Hmm.

More over-analyzing?

Weeeeeeird.

So, I feel a little better after just talking to Bri and having her talk me through this. I barely slept at all last night. It was a mixture of being excited, and being scared shitless. This relationship junk is scary, and I am definitely not used it, but I can learn. Its just going to take me some time. Mostly, I just need to stop over-analyzing things and just go with it.

It's just that I haven't done the whole serious relationship thing in a couple years, and I was given like a month to completely fall for the dude, versus right now where I decided I liked him like a week or two ago. Two weeks ago I decided I had a crush, last week I actually told someone about it.

I just really need to take a chill pill. Or, just down about five more cups of coffee.

I got this.

In All Seriousness.

So, on a scale of one to ten on how badly last night's "date" went, I would give it a six. That's not that bad I know, but its the awkwardness that killed it, and my own nervousness that killed any mood that was set for the night. I was too nervous to hold his hand when we were watching Big Bang Theory, making me come across as a dufus, and then being all awkward when it was time for him to leave. Oh yeah, after about two hours of trying to figure out what the heck to do last night, I just had him come over, that way my sisters could deter us away from any awkwardness that might have ensued, which no doubtingly happened. So we all played some cards, which was fun, and life was grand. He and I probably got through like four or five episodes of BBT, and then we played cards, and then we sat around and talked until Ashley's dad finally decided to take Ashley home after talking to my dad for a good hour first. Yeah, Ashley was there too for the whole time because she came home with Rosie from MSU last night.

I am seriously convinced that he thinks I am a bitch, or that I don't care. Bleh, hopefully tonight will be better. Then again, there will be more people here tonight, so that should change things a bit, and maybe make things a little less awkward. Although, if Anthony comes, then he is about to make me cry of embarrassment, because he likes to put me in those awkward situations. Then I will turn all red in the face, and life will not be good.

God, I sound like a high schooler.

Other than the craziness in my love life, work has been crazy too. We are now onto our third manager in under two months, and another person got fired this morning. So, I am assuming that drama is about to begin. Although, I kind of have a feeling like that my boss is really, really nice, and kind of likes me, but I get the feeling that she is hiding the fact that she is a MAJOR bitch. But so far, I like her a lot, and she seems a lot more fair, even if she has more rules. I am someone who will follow rules and just do what I am supposed to, so I'm not too worried about it. Which makes me feel optimistic about my hours coming up, and then when my availability changes, that might turn awesome. Hopefully I can make up for the lack of funds I am making this month and last month. Because right now, things are tight and blah.

I guess that's how everyone is feeling at this moment in time.

I need more coffee now. Five hours of sleep and being up for the rest of the night is not going to be good for my brain.

Ahem.

I think I have a crush on someone.

What Am I Supposed To Do Now?

I feel very lost and confused in many aspects of my life right now.

Umm Yeah.

Just as a future reference, I am making a new blog so that I can keep from people Googling their names and then finding my blog.

I felt bad that most of you could not read it, so I opened it up, but I want to close this one up here real quick, and get a new one started.

I just need to be careful not to drop last names so creepers won't creep in the future.

That is all.

Rushed.

That's a good way to described how I have been feeling. Bri brought it to my attention today when she asked why I sounded so "rushed." Blehh. I don't really know. All I know is that work is busy, I don't get enough sleep, and plans keep switching around and its driving me crazy.

Also, I hate how everyone is just now realizing that I hang out with Cam. Like, where have you guys been? I don't appreciate your dirty looks when I respond that I am going to hang out with him. This has been going on since December. Sheesh. You guys should know by now that I will defend him until I am dead, and that we are just friends. Goodness.

Why am I complaining? Tis only the life of college student.

I just need to get over it.

I'm doing my best to go to bed EARLY, but its hard because my sleep schedule calls for me to sleep at midnight, and wake up at seven. This waking up at six is killing me, even though there is only an hour difference.

Also, working long hours is kind of meh, but let's be honest. I AM MAKING BANK. Ahem.

I need to not complain. I am really starting to catch up to Rosie.

Although, I really really really really really really want to buy that Droid R2D2 phone, but do I really think I can afford an extra 30 bucks a month to pay for a data plan? That will put me somewhere really close to 400 bucks a month total on bills coming up in the fall. That is scary. I am wondering if I should wait. I don't want to though because I know I will never get it if I don't set aside the money now for it. I just need to not buy anything else. These will be my expenses after I buy the phone:

$40 at least for gas

$30 for my phone bills

So seventy isn't too atrocious, right? I mean, in the fall, the gas bill will become the internet bill, still putting me close to 400 bucks a month.

I have three weeks to figure all this junk out.

Spiraling.

It sucks that the pinnacle of my weekend just happened to be Friday.

I mean, there is nothing really wrong with that, but it sucked because the rest of my weekend just kind of bombed. Especially since Friday was the must fun I had had in ages. I was so happy that people were home, and everyone could make it out to Capitol.

Since Friday night though, I have been living in a fatigued fog with a chance of showers. Its been kind of a bummer. Katie was here this weekend, and it was a lot better than the last time that she paid a visit. Mostly because I was either out of the house working, or she was busy doing homework and running around with Rosie. I can't really explain why everything felt kind of bleh, but it did, and I cannot wait until my week starts.

I'm trying to fill up my days because my boss didn't schedule me extra hours even though I told him I was on Spring Break and that I wanted him too. I am secretly glad that I was able to have three days off, and so far the nights of my weekend off as well.

I feel that now that I might be starting to work and go to school at the same time that my days are going to get very repetitive and redundant. Blehhh, the life of a working class hero haha.

This was a really pointless, lame blog. Meh.

Well That Was Awkward

Never crying in front of him again. It was weird.

Mostly because I have known him for 4 or some odd years, and never once shed a tear in front of him. And it was weird because he was okay with it. I almost expected him to cringe away and run in fear because he didn't know how to act towards a girl crying over stupid shit.

God. PMS blows.

Not that what I wasn't upset over wasn't genuinely sad, but still. Really? I didn't even expect to have that conversation until about June or July. Oiiiiii.

C'mon Meg, get your act together.

Things Are Looking Up, Oh Finally.

• Got an apartment in East Lansing, literally a block from MSU's campus. (Maybe a little bit more than that, but I'm only counting major streets that I actually know the name of haha).
• Got a job at Subway.

YESSS.

I am so geeked right now. Seriously.

If only I could hear back from MSU. Sheesh. And they decided a week ago they would finally ask me for my HS transcript. Goodness gracious. It looks like Monday is going to be a Hell of a day for me. I have to open a checking account for work, hopefully get called into work to do my "testing", and go get my transcript. I might go to the high school before my class starts at noon. We'll see how motivated I am.

For now though, it looks like a huge plummet in my appearance at SP-type things, such as Small Group, and Game Night, because I totally put my availability over those times. I would feel worse, but I have been working there for over five years as a volunteer, and I REALLY need money.

"She just doesn't have any confidence in herself!"

That's my mom, speaking to my dad, in the other room, after I left the room, after we had a deep discussion about my future.

I would like to say that I am done talking about my future, and I feel as if it has been over done, and talked about more than I would like, but there is no way for me to make the talk stop. I am tired of it. It stresses me out.

Although, I would have to say that my dad is at least giving me some kind of encouragement, but other than that, its not like I am getting ANSWERS. Not that I really expect ANSWERS, because obviously I have to figure this all out on my own.

It just gets frustrating.

My mom told me that if I don't get into MSU, that I should just stay home and not waste my time going to LCC when I could live at home for free and go to U of M Flint. I wanted to cry. There is no way in Hell that I would want to live at home, here, by myself, with no sister, or friends to help me through it. I guess Cam would be here, but I can't really count on him being there for me like I am there for him. I think I would shoot myself. I can just imagine the long and lonely WEEKENDS that I would be spending ALONE, EVERY DAY, BY MYSELF.

To say the least, I HOPE and PRAY, that I will not encounter that as my future.

I hope my future at least holds some cash and an apartment all to myself.

I guess I need to figure this shit out.

I need that job at SUBWAY. I need that MOTIVATION. I need the FINANCIAL SUPPORT.

I just need to get out of here. I need to figure out what the hell to do with my future.

It looks like I will be settling with a business major? Maybe?

Also, if I don't have a deposit saved up before MSU, then I definitely CANNOT move down there.

This entry is making me feel more depressed by the minute.

Looks like I will be going to U of M Flint and working for my dad guys.

Looks like it.

Great.

My Major.

(I have been listening to this non-stop)

I am still waiting to hear from MSU, which has me really worried. I keep checking to see what documents are missing and its still waiting for my ACT Writing score, which makes no sense because they have my other scores. So, I think I will pay the $2.80, or whatever, to have it sent, and then hope things fall into place with that. Hopefully.

I need a job for sure though. I need to have enough money saved up for a deposit and the first month, or two. I need a sense of security there, because I NEED TO MOVE OUT.

That's pretty much what it comes down to. I need a job so that things start to feel like they are happening. Right now. the fall seems like a dream, and that dream means moving out and actually me feeling like I am doing something with my life. I need to get the ball rolling so things start to fall into place. I have my hopes set high for EL, and I want more than anything for that to happen. Even if it means going to LCC, because that means I will at least be DOING SOMETHING.

So this leads back to MY MAJOR. I'm pretty sure no one is taking me seriously on this one, not even myself. What the fuck am I supposed to do with a Journalism major? Nothing. You're right. I know my mom has been saying it, but we all know that I don't listen until my dad starts being serious about something. He said he wasn't giving money to a school unless I was serious about my major. This got me thinking.

First of all, SHIT I NEED YOUR MONEY DAD TO HELP ME PAY FOR MSU, PLEASE BE OKAY WITH MY LIFE CHOICES. PLEASE, OH PLEASE.

Then secondly:

Do I REALLY want to go into journalism?

This idea has really been tossed around a lot. My mom keeps pushing me to go for business, but I think I would rather stab my foot with a pool stick than do that. I mean, I always did well in my English classes, and so this kind of confirmed that writing would be okay for me. I have taken other classes in college and enjoyed them just as much as my English classes. Its all so confusing, and I don't know what to do. Laura was going to go into Psychology, but my mom thought that was stupid and had her call MSU to change it to Environmental Biology. Should I change mine to a science as well? I enjoy science, but only Biology. Blehhh. I enjoyed Sociology and Psychology, but I don't feel like going to school for a thousand years. I also don't feel like being a teacher, and that's where most of these lead. My mom told me to go into Business with a German minor, but I don't know. I kind of suck at German again, and business is the worst idea ever. Also, what's the point if all the businesses are failing. Oi. Stupid economy.

These are my ramblings. I could talk about my weekend at MSU too, but it was nothing too exciting. I got drunk Friday, went to a frat on Saturday where all the boys wanted Rosie and not me, went to Barnes and Noble for six hours with Rosie and a couple guys, who also like Rosie, and Cam and I had an awkward discussion about how if we liked each other, that would be awkward. So, I was Awkward Meg all weekend long.

Its A New Year.

I promised myself I would start doing this more this year. Seeing as it is only the beginning of Day 4, I think I am doing a pretty good job.

I haven't much to say these days, only that life is becoming more monotone. Hooray. A couple friendships have been growing a bit more as the month of December passed by, such as things with Cameron. I'm really glad that that has been okay. The only thing that hasn't been okay has been the way view this new relationship. I guess its not really new to me, seeing as I have been friends with him, steadily, for almost a year now, but now we actually hang out and talk on the phone if we are both ungodly bored. I guess that means people can start being pissed at me for something again. At least I think that's how most of my family sees it. I get told "be wise" about 5 times a week, and my sister rolls her eyes when she sees my phone going off and its a text from Cameron. I know the past is something to be afraid of, but in his defense, and mine as well, we are both totally different people now. Maybe not a full 180 different, but different enough to where we can come to terms about things, and leaves things in the past that should just be left there. I haven't had to worry about awkward moments between us too much. It just feels...normal? I don't want to say that and make it sound like I am falling in love with him again and we are back doing what we used to, but that's the only word I can use to explain it. We are just friends, and I am grateful for that. The only awkward moment was when his little brother, Ian, didn't remember me, and everyone had to explain that he knew me before, and some random memories were brought up. Other than that, his family has been accepting, and it feels like old times again. We all sit around watching movies, eating grilled cheese, and playing 360, Playstation, and computer games. When we get alone time from his brothers, we go out for a smoke (he is doing all the smoking), we talk about how much things have changed for the both of us, and how different we are. It almost feels like the rolls have been switched, but I hope I don't become the heartbreaker with a knack for messing with guys' heads. I think people just want me to be his enemy, and for him to be my enemy, but with only a few close friends sticking around Flint, I can't waste them on enemies. I mean, who would rather have more enemies than friends?

Other than Cam, I have made a couple new friends, and gotten closer with a couple more SP people, so that is great too. Other than that, these last four days have been getting my head around the future and where that is headed. One thing I am doing is working out until my ass falls off. I really need to get in shape, and start eating better. I mean, getting in shape is a bonus when trying to get rid of all this shitty food I eat. All I ever do is snack, and I am trying to cut that out. Hopefully this motivation lasts me past my first week of school otherwise I am going to die.

Speaking of school, I should probably order my books, and maybe open my German book again and remember some of the things that I learned. Sheesh.