I'm So Tired of Feeling This Way

I'm tired of feeling stressed, confused, frustrated, and tired. I feel like I'm part of an endless cycle of grief in different forms. I cant seem to keep up in my classes, my soccer skills are already slipping, and my sanity is going. I'm tired of this constant feeling of not knowing what I want because its making me freak out! I'm also very tired of people telling me that I've changed, and that they miss the old me, and I seem pissed off all the time. Well, I wonder why? Shit happens guys, and sometimes it just hits hard. Right now, I'm not exactly sure how to deal with it, and being a standoffish jerk, who is becoming more and more distant from people seems to make it easier for me.

I talked to him today, because I thought he was mad at. He wasn't, thankfully, but we did get to discuss how we are tired of the same old shit, and our lame emo lives that we lead. We feel like we are just going through the motions in a blur. I have told him how unsure I am about what I feel towards him. He of course has nothing to say in return, but I'm okay with that. I told him that I want him, but I don't know how much, and to what aspect. When things are going good, I want him more, when things suck, I'm just oblivious to how I feel towards him. I just am so confused about it. I am trying harder now to get over him, because I just know that the fighting between us will never get better; we have extreme highs and lows, and that is just too scary for me to deal with right now. Who knows what the summer will bring us?

I have been very excited and nervous about one thing in particular. Prom. I'm trying to get a date, a foreigner haha. It seems to be very hard to obtain them. Jana and I are panicking at the thought about the two boys we have asked to take with us; one was so unsure last time, and one we are hoping will sway the other. Another thing is, what if Cam expects me to go with him? What am I supposed to do then? I would hate to have to turn him down, but he isn't making any move. So I have no idea how that is going to go. We shall see.

I feel like I'm part of so much drama! Oh well, its high school, and drama makes in interesting.