Dizzy

I almost told her today. Many people already know; some of them, I told them to keep it quiet, others, I told it was nothing new. I just don't understand why I can't tell her, my own twin sister! I think I'm starting to become afraid of her. I don't know why, but I'm just so afraid that I will let her down so much that we wont even talk anymore. I would hate that. So why can't I do a simple thing and just tell her what's going on. I'm sure she already knows, and I'm sure someone may have told, if they haven't already, then it's coming. It should be easy to say, "Rosie, I am dating Cam again." I find that it's not. I came so close to saying it. She was telling me how one of her friends used her as an example for her religion class, saying that Rosie and Josh are a couple who love each other and will wait to have sex until marriage. I almost said, "why didn't she use me as an example?" then I refrained, because I was afraid, plus my friend doesn't know we are dating yet either. Gahhh! I don't understand. I am more willing to tell my friends who I have only know for a few years, than to tell my sister who I've known since before I was born! I feel like I have this guilt I'm carrying around with me, because I haven't told my family that we are official yet. I know my mom has caught on, because she asks me normal conversational questions like, "What is Cam doing after school?", When does Cam work?" These are questions she would ask when Cam and I were dating before. She hasn't said anything about how she doesn't like the idea of us dating again since 2 weeks ago, and I'm glad. It would make me feel even more guilty. I don't know why I have to be with him, but I feel like I do. I can't stand to be away from him, and I care way too much about him than to let anyone else have him. Selfish I know, but he feels the same. Cam and I are so ridiculous and so crazy, I don't understand how we function, but we do. It makes me so happy to know that he wants me to be the one to cheer him up, and to be the one the he says good morning to as soon as he gets up and turns on his phone. It almost cancels out thee guilt I have being with him, because it's such a relief that we are on the same page with each other now. I just pray that we can both keep our promises, and I just hope for the best.