57 degrees never felt, looked, or smelled better.
It's even getting lighter longer! This first sign of spring has brought the most happiness from me. I can feel the new and good things coming, and I know that they will come in full swing when the time comes. The glorious sun is shining its promising rays on me, and I hope to God that those rays do bring those promises, or at least keep them. I feel as if all I live on is promises now; hopes and wishes for the future that could bring about what I want or my greatest fear. I feel like I am living the biggest secret of all. No one knows what is going on. Only I and that other person do. That is what is keeping us going at this point: the fact that what we have is unknown and growing stronger by the moment. I feel as if it may be a little unsteady, keeping all these promises behind everyones' back, but I think that it will prove what we really have when the time comes. I pray that I figure out what I really want from this, and that things will start to unfold as emotions start to come out, and even get forced out. I wonder how long we can keep this up, this passionate secret that I hold and the emotions that we share.
So as I was sitting outside on the paved ground, waiting for my mom to come get after soccer practice, and I was taking in the beauty of the warmth. During my jumbled day dreams, I realized that I no longer have the amazing imagination that I once had. I'm pretty sure that others have thought about it, but I felt the full blast of this missed quality just a bit ago. I could imagine many great things with the help of my sisters. We played in our hollowed out pine tree and played anything from pioneers to princesses. We were the amazing creatures who ruled the place, and governed the land, and took over the trees. We were free to think what we pleased and enjoyed playing along with whatever we came up with. Nothing was too weird or too strange for us to do. We make silly concoctions of the weird plants and from fruits that we were able to reach. I miss that imagination that I had. It was so pure and so fun. It's not that I don't have one now, but it lacks the perspective if naivete and pureness of a child. I wish I could reach back and retrieve some of it back. It was lost as the years went by, and I had to let go of those childish ways in order to achieve what I must to reach the future.
Damn responsibility.
I am so sick of my family. I'm sick of the way then gang up on me, and wont let me go. Rosie comes to me and tells me that I need to stop hiding and that she is sick of people asking her whats wrong with me. I'm sorry that my life kind of sucks at the moment. Maybe I really am suffering from minor depression or something. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm sick of the cold. My mom wants me to bond more with them and hang out more with them, and not hide out in my room. I don't know how long I will be able to stand that. Its not that I don't get along with them, I am just sick of their opinions. Yes, yes, they are entitled to them, but do I have to be forced to hear them? I know they want to help me, and they will always be there for me, but I wish that sometimes they would get off my back and stopping telling me that I am all wrong and they know best.
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